Yesterday I faced some things in my therapy. I gave the things names. I said the words. There are words that are hard to say--labels for things that were instrumental in my CPTSD. Doing the work in therapy often means accepting the hard things. It means seeing them for what they were and accepting them. Acceptance is not forgiveness, and I have what may be a controversial take on forgiveness, which is that rather than forgiveness, I believe in acceptance. I accept that the people around me chose what they chose. They are not exempted from those choices, they are not "let off the hook" for them, but I simply accept that they made those choices. Now it's up to me to choose what I want going forward. Going forward is the key. I don't HAVE TO "forgive" anyone in order to heal. I just need to accept that what was, was--and then move on. The moving on can be the really hard part, but once I accept that people in my past just chose what they chose, I am much more able to do so. In my opinion "forgiveness" puts the work on ME to do the "letting off the hook", but acceptance puts it back on the person who made the choice they made. "Ok, I accept that you made this choice." Now I get to go forward, and they can go do whatever, and deal with what they did. Acceptance means I can leave them behind, with no hold on me anymore. Acceptance is a self-love thing, and I believe in it. Love yourself and love others (but never betray your own heart to do so!)
Love, Cheri
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