Sometimes, I feel really powerful. Other times, I feel like I'm going to utterly crumble. I feel like I am living a contradiction inside my own skin. When my CPTSD is flaring up big, as in when I'm triggered, I want to run to the nearest safe space, pull my weighted blanket over me, and hide. Other times I am able to connect to my own power and light. I am all of this. It is unpredictable. It can be set off by something I can identify or something I cannot. During times of stress, it's set off way more easily, and intensely. Something small like being unable to find some paperwork, or finding the date on which something happened can completely undo me. The trick is to know my tools for putting myself back together. It's about getting grounded, finding which of my tools is the one (or many) that I need, putting them into action, and then allowing myself the time and space I need to feel safe, and then calm again. I'm still practicing. One thing I know for sure is that self love, kindness and being in allowance of my imperfection will always help. Love yourself first--especially when you feel like you're split into pieces inside.
Love, Cheri
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