Ever just feel like a puddle? I had that day yesterday. Kept trying to re-form myself into something less... puddly... but as the day unfolded that was not to be. By the time I went out for dinner with very nice friends, the extreme loudness and closeness of the WAY overcrowded (can you say FIRE MARSHALL?) restaurant had me undone. Nervous systems can reach capacity, and mine absolutely did. I sure didn't want to be a downer, but I couldn't get out of that restaurant and away from the ***extreme*** overstimulation fast enough. (To add to the "ambiance" a woman at the table behind me, right behind my head kept suddenly shrieking!) It's easy to feel bad about myself after something like that. I loved seeing the friends, but the atmosphere made it nearly impossible to even hear the conversation let alone participate without literally shouting. I was holding myself together only just. What to do? Comfort myself at home afterward, take meds, and make a plan for how it could work out better next time. Maybe next time, we choose a smaller, quieter place if one can be found. If not, perhaps invite friends to my home for nibbles and drinks in a controlled and quiet atmosphere instead. Also, feeling free to excuse myself and even take a Lyft home if the situation is that terribly overwhelming. (And it was.) Sometimes doing my best means I need to not even put myself in certain situations in the first place or leave one when I can feel how overwhelming it is. Call me a party puddle if you like, but my ears are still ringing this morning. Self-care can be inconvenient. It can mean that those around you are not happy or don't get it. It can mean that I am the party puddle. But my number one job, always and always and even (especially) at the holidays is self-care. Loving myself first means knowing my own, best self-care practices. Puddly as I may be, I'm going to love myself first--and anyone who doesn't like it can go flood themselves.
Love, Cheri
